A Death Grip on Life.

Warning: This post contains personal beliefs. 

The last blog was about birth and it just seems fitting that this is about death. Human conditions both.

It is no question that death is scary. It is scary and in some ways unnatural. Why? Because we as people weren't meant to die. Cancer, aids, murder... none of that is natural. But death... death wasn't natural, death now is natural.

I understand not wanting to die and I definitely understand not wanting a friend or family member to die. I say I understand because I listened as a doctor told me that my dad should be dead and they were hoping that they could get him in to surgery fast enough to keep his femur from compounding and my dad from bleeding to death. He was pale and in more pain than I have ever seen him in. I also called 911 as my dad held the limp blue form of my sister who had just had a grand mal seizure. I watched as my great grandmother died of cancer, dementia and advanced age, she died angry. I can't say that I understand everyone's situation and there are plenty of devastating situations that I am sure would send my world spinning out of control.

There is something that has been nagging me lately and it started with reading an article about someone dying after donating part of his organ. It was said that it was a "heroic act" the "ultimate sacrifice". I wonder if that is what his young children will think growing up?

I am not making a judgment call on someone's family or their own choices but it did set me to thinking about the un-graceful passing of people. Yes, young deaths are "untimely" and are "wrong" but doesn't that go back to the beginning of the discussion? Isn't every death "wrong"? When does a death feel "right"? It does seem more wrong when a young person, especially with a family, is dying or dies, it makes us question and grieve. But I find that I keep asking myself this question, where is the grace in all of this? I have a wild thought that I could die gracefully, that maybe I would be able to let go gracefully. I don't want to have a death grip on life.