Dear Son

Sometimes I think that I have turned in to a raving lunatic.

Now before you read any further this is the disclaimer for this post, so please read in thoroughly. I love my son. He is great. We have a lot of fun. He also drives me insane sometimes. If you are not a parent you will not understand this. Do not even pretend that you do because you just can’t. I thought I knew something about parenting until a became one, a parent that is. If you are a parent then you probably don’t have any room to judge anyway. You know you have had insane episodes just like I have. That is unless you are a Stepford-wanna-be and in that case you should probably just stop reading now, it will just disturb your perfect life.

Why is it that my son insists on getting up so early even if he went to bed late? He is actually more likely to get up earlier if he has gone to bed late. Can anyone explain the logic in that?

Why is it that my son insists on walking around while he eats? Isn’t his chair comfortable enough? What about socializing while eating? Does he not remember that the last time he did that the dogs took his food away?

Seriously son, if you are tired please nap! Why do you insist on sitting in your room for an hour, exhausted, and then come out and torment your mother for the rest of the afternoon because you are overly tired but it is because you chose not to sleep!

Why do we have to read the same book and watch the same movie?

Why in the world do you like those horribly, wretchedly annoying squeaky “I’m talking to a child” voices?

Why oh why oh why will you not go on the potty when you can tell me when you are poopy, you know what a diaper is and you can say “potty power!”.

Is it really necessary to scream? I mean you know what you want, you have words, why don’t you ask? Things happen faster when you ask, really, trust me.

What makes you think that “no” means “do it again”?

Who taught you how to hit?

“Holy cow” does not sound right coming out of a child’s mouth. Please forget that I have ever used that phrase.

How can you sense when mom is beat and use it to your advantage? Don’t you think that is kind of evil?

Daddy is your friend. Seriously. He can do things for you too.

Above all, please remember that I love you and even though you can be a wretched little snot-booger sometimes I wouldn’t have you any other way because you are making me grow up in areas that I didn’t even know I had!