The Mini Van

I was cleaning out my mini van yesterday and thinking about all the harassment I have endured for first purchasing a mini van and secondly, horror of all horrors, actually enjoying it! But as I was lifting the pads of my son’s car seat to make sure I vacuumed all the cracks (dirty car seats just happen to be one of my pet peeves) I was rehashing why so many people hate mini vans. I know there are probably a hundred million different reasons but I really think that it really comes down to the mini vans contents than anything else. I mean sure they don’t have the most stunning bodies and they don’t have the best gas mileage but still a heck of a lot better than many SUVs. I really think it comes down to the fear of what is inside a mini van. Mini vans contain children. Children have food in the car. Food gets spilled in car. Frazzled mom can’t find time to clean the up the food/beverage spilled in the car by the children it contains therefore it sits there. For eons. Mini vans smell. The smell like… I don’t even know. But you know what I mean. It is “the” smell. It’s the “I carry children” smell and not just children but dogs and gear and whatever else but they all seem to smell the same. There is stuff everywhere, paper shoved in cracks, coffee cups, plates, last summer’s sunscreen and most of all, snacks, crushed, mooshed snacks. Not only do mini vans contain all these things but they also contain the main operator, the mom. Now the mini van mom is something to be truly feared. She is the one who proudly slapped the “My child is on the honor roll at….” on the back of her van in honor of her 2-year-old that is on the “honor role” at the local day care along with everyone else so that no one got hurt feelings. There are stickers with soccer/football/baseball, and everything else played with a ball, located somewhere on the back windshield. You know what she does at those games. We don’t even have to ask do we? We hardly even have to waste an imagination. We’ve all seen ‘em. Mini van moms. Everyone knows ‘em, no one wants to be them and yet there are out there, hundreds, thousands of them.

I was thinking of all this while cleaning my van and it made me put a little extra effort in to vacuuming every tiny crevice that I could possibly reach in the whole van. I spent time smelling around to see if there was even a trace of “that” smell. I checked for loose toys, pieces of paper were discarded anything and everything that could possibly turn this vehicle in to that… thing… I really do like my mini van. A lot. I can even take the harassment that goes along with owning one because I know that all you SUV owning parents have the same problem you just aren’t owning up to it yet but one day, don’t worry, that will carry a stigma as well, oh wait… ok, not going there, not tonight.