Thursday, June 17, 2010

Milk Toast

Every so often I feel like giving a little word lecture. Not because I think that everyone doesn’t know the meaning of the word I am about to lecture on. I would never presume that anyone presides in such ignorance. And for the most part I don’t even presume that you care a rat’s butt about my little word lecture I am going to give but that’s OK because it’s your own fault that you are here reading this.

Today’s word lecture is (drum roll accompanied by bated breath): Disappointment (Tada!). Was that just shock and awe that I saw register on your face? No? Bummer. I was hoping for some sort of dramatic reaction not some sort of caustic smirk. The definition of disappoint is:
1. To fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of: His gross ingratitude disappointed us.
2. To defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate: to be disappointed in love.
Disappointment is synonymous with the words: Sadden, disillusion, dishearten, disenchant.
So you may be wondering something along the lines of “So what’s up with the down-in-the-dumps post?” at this point. Hang with me and you may get your answer soon unless it is anything like the last blog where you will leave wondering where this is all going. That is, by the way, what happens when you try to put your thoughts together sometime after 11 p.m. when you have a toddler.
I realized something the other day while I was watching TLC’s What Not To Wear. I know you are gaping in horror right now considering how shallow I am. But it’s true. I love that show. It is part of my “vain hour” even though it is a bit over an hour, my vain hour includes exercise, What Not To Wear and a shower, all during nap time. Anyway, while I was watching What Not To Wear the other day I realized that I want their job. OK, so not their job per se but a job like their job. Something that transforms a person in 1 week giving them a new look, new confidence… etc. I wouldn’t say that their job is easy. Actually I am guessing that it can be quite frustrating. But I do think that their job is gratifying. Right now I would like to have a gratifying job. All the “career” paths that I have chosen so far in my life are not all that gratifying and gosh dang it if they aren’t the slowest moving “careers” to see “success” in on the face of the planet! (OK so maybe I am exaggerating just a bit)
I am disappointed. I am disappointed that things take so long and that people don’t change as quickly as I would like. I am disappointed that the walls in my tiny cabin are not finished and that it is starting to give me cabin fever. That and there is still snow on the ground and after struggling my son in to all his winter clothes he only wants to be outside for 10 minutes before he is freezing and wants to come back in. Probably just so that he can track snow all over my floor. I am disappointed about the fact that I want certain things in my life that just don’t seem to be happening on my time frame. I am disappointed that I am going to turn 25 and don’t feel like I am. Even though I don’t even know what that is supposed to feel like and maybe that is disappointing as well. I have never been good about learning new things. I always think that I need to be good at it right off the bat and I give no room for error. I think perfection should happen right off the bat. Why? I’m really not sure. I don’t have OCD, really. OCD is a disorder and I am pretty sure that I am too ordered to have a disorder. Then again that is another disappointment, health stuff that I also is not in my area of control. I hate not being in control.
Now before you get carried away and assume that I think my life is a failure and everything is a disappointment I am going to clarifying by saying this is not the entirety of my life by any means it is just a portion of my life. There are plenty of things that I am happy and content with and as sooner I embrace my disappointment the sooner it can transform in to action and contentment. Though I still wouldn’t mind having a gratifying insta-transformation job.
My theme for now believe it or not is also off What Not to Wear (Yup, go ahead and roll your eyes) “Why go through life being milk-toast when you could be mocha almond fudge?” Stacey from What Not to Wear. And to me sometimes that means you have to accept extreme disappointment because not having disappointments in your life would also mean that you did not experience extreme joy. I would rather be a wild flavor with all it’s nuts than milk-toast.

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